"I can't believe they let you teach."

Nightmares, Anakin was used to. He'd relived the terrible moments of his life so often and in so many different permutations that he could practically identify them by taste.

But this moment was one he hadn't thought of--hadn't allowed himself to dwell on--for many, many years.

( Oh, Episode II. Why so lametastic? )

Anakin smiled in his sleep, curled around the warm body in his bed, opened his eyes...and realized who he was holding.

Guilt. It's what's for breakfast.

There were some dates that, even though twenty years had passed, were just going to stick with Anakin.

The anniversary of Padmé's death was one of them. Before the sun came out, he slipped out of the apartment and made his way down to the shore of the river. Orienting himself to face towards the fading star that pointed the way back to his galaxy, he suppressed any feeling of embarrassment and began speaking aloud.

"It's not like I'll be getting anywhere near Naboo," he murmured, looking up, "and I'm not sure what I would do with myself even if I did." He swallowed hard. "I miss you. I have for twenty years. I'll miss you for twenty more. But I'm happy again. I think you would have wanted that."

He took a moment to collect himself, staring down at the strewn bits of rock around him. "Rory knows everything. Sometimes I wonder if you and I would have worked out differently if I hadn't been such a stubborn, stupid little boy. If I had told you..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter now. You're one with the Force, far beyond caring what I'm doing with my life now."

A small smile quirked up his lips. "But you would be so damn proud of our children, Padmé. They're going to fix an entire galaxy. That they get from you. And because of them, despite everything that went wrong -- and there isn't enough "I'm sorry" in the universe to make up for what went wrong -- I don't regret what we had together."

The rising sun began blotting out the twinkle of the star. The muscles in Anakin's jaw clenched as he fought through a wave of pain and guilt. "Goodbye, Padmé," he whispered. "I'll see you here next year."

[OOC: 'stablishy!]

Anakin decided that when Luke hadn't contacted him on Sunday for his birthday dinner that Rory had told him everything.

The wall of I'm Fine, Really that Luke was throwing up through the Force was almost as painful as Rory's numbness.

But Anakin was a teacher, dammit, and his personal issues were just that.

So if anyone was looking to stop by the door was open as Anakin stared at a beautiful jewel of a planet as it hovered in the middle of his office.

[ooc: open, though I work all day so sp is love.]

Anakin hadn't really moved from the spot where he'd been sitting for the last two days, except to pull out his comlink after his children had left to stare at it for a good two hours, debating whether to call or not.

As the minutes ticked by, Anakin finally picked up the comlink one final time and called Rory.

[OOC: For Rory, plz. Conversation NFB, people involved totally up for grabs.]

Anakin walked into his room from a long day moping brooding hiding doing terribly important yet strangely nebulous things, slowly shut the door and slid down it until he rested on the ground with his head down on his knees.

He was 43 years old today.

He felt much, much older.

( He wasn't alone for long... )

[OOC: preplayed with the lovely and brilliant master2_whiners, conversation to continue in the comments once SPN stops being on the television...broadcast-y squirrels are free to say that Anakin was having an animated conversation with himself :)]